Sunday, October 10, 2010

10 random facts about me


Since its 10.10.10, i figured i would write down 10 random facts about me. so here goes:

  1. i love books (kinda obvious). my taste in books is eclectic, depending on my mood.
  2. i love music. i love to sing, was a choir member all throughout my elem, HS and college days, until now that i am working, i am still part of the not so active company choir =)
  3. i am an only child. i would like to believe that i am not spoiled or bratty. but when i do get my moods and my bitchy self comes out, i use the excuse that i am an only child, so i naturally have a license to act bratty =P (well, the excuse does come in handy haha!).
  4. i sleep most nights with music in the background. it kinda helps put me to sleep (insomniac alert).
  5. i remember a lot of things: facts, names, events that happened in the past, but i tend to forget birth dates, except for those people really close to me (but sometimes, i still do =P).
  6. i love the color blue. when shopping my eyes automatically look for blue stuff.
  7. despite the fact that i am quite sickly, i have never been confined in a hospital (proud!).
  8. i cannot sleep without a water bottle (or pitcher, or glass) beside me. i wake up in the middle of the night thirsty.
  9. i love spicy food. i eat most of the time having fish sauce as my sawsawan or soy sauce and calamansi, both with siling labuyo in it =)... my mom said my yaya while growing up was bicolana, thus i was used to eating spicy stuff since i was a kid.
  10. i dont like bananas ... as in! but i can eat the occasional pinasugbo from iloilo =) that's about it .. my taste buds and my tummy and bananas are at odds, they really don't get along! ... my nutrition prof in UP said it might be psychological (hhhmm, pwede ... psychotic naman ako paminsan =P).
there you have it, my attempt to do something 10-ish this 10.10.10 ... hhmmm, it was kinda hard to put it together though ... have to stay clear of the emotional things to keep the list factual, well except for the bitchy self entry haha! ...

i am invincible



i am invincible
i feel i am so, i know i am so
i am invincible when i know what i'm doing
when i know what steps to take
what to look for, how to solve a problem,
how to decide what's best.

i am invincible
when i can control things,
the outcome of an experiment, a study
when i can say with certainty
"approved without thinking"
when i can decide with my eyes shut
without even needing to see, feel, hear, more than once.

i am invincible
when i know i am right
when i know that those i love
are behind me no matter what
i feel invincible
when i feel loved, trusted, appreciated
when people say i can do things i normally cannot do
when people say that i have potential
when people recognize something in me
that I myself cannot see.

i am invincible ... or am i not?
at this point, i feel cracks in my walls
a tremor in my solid ground
as doubt begins to take seed and fear starts to knock.
my fortress is being besieged
by forces i cannot control
by forces i cannot fathom
loneliness, anxiety, sadness, doubt, fear
enemies i have no known protection for.

am i invincible?
i hope to the heavens i am
whatever made me think i am, i need those now.
but before i regain my strength
i need to repair my fortress
fill in the cracks, stabilize my foundation,
refill my ammunitions.
i need to find my center, my passion,
my inspiration, my purpose.
and for these, i need more than just time ...
i need myself to be whole.

am i invincible?
i hope to God i am
with every fiber of my being
i hope and pray that i can overcome this siege
i need to outrun it and outlive it
for me to regain my strength.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

my summer book loot



my latest book stash is composed mostly of young adult reads. i find them refreshing -- the stories are short, but engaging. the plots may seem predictive and simple (but at times not!), but the twists and the characters add more zest to the reading experience.

i am actually looking forward to reading the hunger games series as i read a number of favorable reviews about the books =). dawn of the dreadfuls, one of the 2 only non-YA in my stash, is also an anticipated read as i loved pride, prejudice and zombies. the second non-YA in my stash is ilustrado by miguel syjuco, another book which gained numerous favorable reviews.

well, i hope to finish reading them during the summer and am looking forward to raiding the bookstores again after. actually, i am waiting for prince of mists by carlos ruiz zafon (i already reserved a copy in powerbooks megamall hehehehe) which will come out on may 14. (thanks aileen! =) ur the best! - - aileen is our trusty book consultant in powebooks, in short she is responsible for half of my book loot hahaha! )

sooooo, here's to a summer filled with books and numerous adventures! =) and all of these adventures i can experience without leaving the airconditioned confines of a cafe or the safe haven of my bedroom =).

Thursday, April 29, 2010

i wish



i wish ...
i can make things better for you,
that i can hold your hand through tough times
that i can somehow ease your pain and hurt,
that i can help you move on and heal

i wish...
i can make things brighter for you
that i can make you smile and laugh
and enjoy the simple pleasures of life
like friends and easy conversation

i wish...
i can make you listen
that i can make you appreciate and understand
the things that you keep taking for granted
and the things that you choose to ignore

i wish...
you will realize that life is never what it seems
that what you think is right may not always be good for you
that life can be both fair and unfair
depending on which consequence or reward you deserve

i wish...
you will just look around you
and appreciate what you have
fighting for something may not always be the right course
especially if that battle has already been lost.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

book ends



I recently finished two books : Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame Smith.

Beautiful Creatures started out slow but the storyline was good. A gothic novel that has interesting twists and turns. Though quite dark, there are bits of humor injected that makes it less serious and light.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies was quite a read. I haven't read the original Austen classic (since I am quite intimidated by the classics =P), but now I would like to grab one and read it (more to compare it with the zombies version). I really had fun reading the book =). There exists an interesting contrast between the writing style and what it describes (imagine a katana-wielding heroine wearing a long dress while battling and beheading zombies in the english countryside while speaking in the old english tongue). For me, this adds to the charm of the book. I can't actually wait to read the prequel = Dawn of the Dreadfuls.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

You're in UP




original post from FB's Overheard at UP page... astig! =)


Dr. Jose Dalisay: "You're in UP 'cause you can think and speak for yourselves by your own wits and on your own two feet. And you can do so no matter what the rest of the people in the room may be thinking. You're in UP 'cause no one can tell you to shut up if you have something sensible and vital to say. You're in UP 'cause you dread not the poverty of material comforts but the poverty of the mind. And you're in UP 'cause you care about something abstract and sometimes as treacherous as the idea of a "nation", even if it kills you."


(posted by SJ San Juan)

Monday, April 05, 2010

from Overheard at UP


naaliw ako sobra sa entry na to as posted in Overheard at UP FB page:



may sumakay na 2 ale na medyo madaldal parehas.. tpos may ksakay din kming mga marine students yta..nagbayad ung mga marine students tapos cnabi nla na estudyante daw..tpos eto na nangyari...

UP STUDENTt: ma, bayad po isang estudyante..

ALE NA MADALDAL 1: tingnan mo sa UP, wla clang uniform. di tuloy mukhang estudyante.. tignan mo ung mga yun (mga marine students) pormal na pormal.. mukhang kagalanggalang..

ALE NA MADALDAL 2: oo nga, iho (knausap ung nagbayad na UP student) bakit ba wla kaung uniform? hindi tuloy kau mukhang estudyante.. mukha lng kaung mamamalengke..

UP STUDENT: (ngumiti) ah eh, WALA DAW PO KASI SA ITSURA PAGIGING ESTUDYANTE, NASA UTAK!(tawa ng malakas ung mga marine students, tinamaan yta.. syempre pati ako nkitawa na rin)

ALE NA MADALDAL 1: sabi sau wag kang magtatanong ng mga ganyan sa mga tga-UP, laging may bala yang mga yan eh!!

[by: Jiro Castellano]

Sunday, April 04, 2010

start your week right ...


i got this off my friends' FB status:

We heal our minds whenever we let bad memories go; we heal our souls whenever we pray; and we heal our hearts whenever we forgive.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

meaningful reflections


a friend sent me this SMS this morning. the message hit a number of spots and i found it to be truly meaningful.

Lenten Reflections:
1. Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
2. Sometimes, He breaks our hearts to make us whole.
3. Sometimes, He sends us pain so we can be stronger.
4. Sometimes, He sends us failure so we can be humble.
5. Sometimes, He sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
6. Sometimes, He takes "everything" away from us so we can learn the value of the little we have left.

Happy Easter Everyone! :)

it's time



after a week of sadness, confusion, heartache and anxiety, i woke up today decided to have a change of heart. i suppose it would be better to face each day with a smile and a sunny, positive disposition. maybe, it would help me better cope with the situation i am currently in and hopefully a positive attitude can one day bring good news and a better future. kinda idealistic ... sounds a lot like those motherhood statements we see and hear during positive reinforcement seminars... but at this point i don't have anything to lose. and besides, i already look like a panda with huge circles under my eyes, so a smiling panda for starters would be better than a mopey one. soooo, as dramatic as i am the past few days (my past entries can attest to that), i wouldn't let this day pass without writing another entry. ending my week or rather starting my week with a more hopeful tone =)... (my wish now is that i be able to have the strength to keep this up and not go into relapse ...)

its time
to stop moping and start coping
to stop crying and start smiling
to stop hurting and start healing

its time
to wait in hope rather than in anxiety and dread
to pray for better days than to blame the past
to live each day at a time and not hide from it

its time
to find strength in patience and understanding
to smile again amidst the hearts' chaos and confusion
to find joy again even in the simplest of things

its time to face each day with renewed hope
that one day soon everything will be alright
for now, i just have to start to wake up and breathe
for me to be able to laugh and love and once again live.


*image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/ashting/2143482916/

Thursday, April 01, 2010

learning and waiting


i learned that...

there are consequences to things both said and unsaid,
and to actions done and not done

intentions however honest or even noble
can still be misconstrued and be perceived as malicious

people who know you well enough
are still prone to believing lies about you
when anger and jealousy take part

i learned all these in a short span of time,
drowning me in the process.
and now trying to understand and grasp reality
while waiting for a judge to reach its verdict

i can say everything i want
to prove my innocence
but deaf ears do not hear nor see reason
they only feel dark, illogical wrath

for now, my only ally is time
hoping it does heal wounds
wounds accidentally inflicted
by naive actions and honest intentions

Friday, March 19, 2010

riding an emotional roller coaster



its the time of the year again when i feel like i'm in an emotional roller coaster. every feeling is heightened, i feel like i am absorbing the emotions of people around me. at the end of the day, i feel totally drained. well, one upside is that i tend to lose my appetite if am in one of these moods, therefore decreasing my need to go to the gym haha! (justifying =P).

i am sad, melancholic, angry, confused and numb all at the same time. happy? i get my share of laughs every once in a while, but after that, the gloomy and pensive mood sets in again. I really don't know why i feel like this, maybe i am just hormonal =P. still, maybe there are stuff i need to face, issues i need to resolve, situations i need to accept and consequences i need to take responsibility for. i guess i just need time to sort things out and eventually (hopefully) get a grasp on the reality i need to face and live with.

unanswered questions may need to be answered or not ... depending on whether i really do want to know the answers. a friend said that ignorance is bliss and that there are just some things thats better left alone. trying to dig up the reasons behind past actions and the whys behind the whats is two-faced: you either end up feeling better knowing the truth or you end up feeling more miserable. in the end, i guess a few things do matter: how i accept what i learned and what i do about it. someone once told me, its okay to have what if's but it would be better to have more what nows. i guess it kinda means that its okay to have regrets (who doesn't?) but it would be better not to dwell on them. it would be best to work on what we have now since we really cannot do anything about actions already committed in the past.


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

holding on to pain


How can you hold on to something that is not yours?
How can you even let yourself hope
That by some weird circumstance
The world will flip over and the heavens will
Smile in your favor.

Reining in feelings hasn’t always been
Your strongest point, but
Accepting hurt and suffering in silence is
You’d rather take the pain than let others
Know you are being torn apart

Praying, wishing and hoping that one day
The powers that be will look at you and say
You deserve to be happy with someone
Who will be your inspiration, your strength
And your reason to smile

Until that day comes, keep your heart in check
Keep your feelings behind locked gates
Especially if the fates throw you in an arena
Where your heart is doomed to suffer
no matter what the outcome is.

Let go no matter how much it hurts
Even if holding on makes you happy
Even if holding on makes you feel complete
For holding on to something that should not be yours
Can only ultimately lead to one thing: pain.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The One That Got Away


A friend sent me this article ... its a really nice read ... plus i can quite relate to it haha! =P (kaya siguro pinadala sakin to =P)


The One that Got Away
by Mark J. MacapagalManila Times, Aug. 23, 2006

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something.


There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the one that got away. Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.


I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.


How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.


Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.


So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.


You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.


If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.


Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.


But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?


Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."


You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."

Sunday, February 07, 2010

this song got me thinking


as usual, valentine's day was a big huge zero for me... so while in a senti mode, i heard this song and it got me thinking ... i was always seen as the fat (ugly), funny girl since my grade school days until college and grad school... i can quite relate to some of the lines in this song (to those of us who knew the pain, of valentines that never came)...


I learned the truth at seventeen.
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth.

And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say, "come dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen.

A brown eyed girl in hand-me-downs
Whose name I never could pronounce said
Pity, please, the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve
The rich-relationed home-town queen
Marries into what she needs
With a guarantee of company and haven for the elderly.

Remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
In debentures of quality
And dubious integrity
Their small town eyes will gape at you
In dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received at seventeen.

To those of us who knew the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me.

We all play the game and when we dare
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say, "come dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me, at seventeen.


Lyrics: Janis Ian