i am invincible

i am invincible
i feel i am so, i know i am so
i am invincible when i know what i'm doing
when i know what steps to take
what to look for, how to solve a problem,
how to decide what's best.

i am invincible
when i can control things,
the outcome of an experiment, a study
when i can say with certainty
"approved without thinking"
when i can decide with my eyes shut
without even needing to see, feel, hear, more than once.

i am invincible
when i know i am right
when i know that those i love
are behind me no matter what
i feel invincible

when i feel loved, trusted, appreciated

when people say i can do things i normally cannot do
when people say that i have potential
when people recognize something in me
that I myself cannot see.

i am invincible ... or am i not?
at this point, i feel cracks in my walls
a tremor in my solid ground
as doubt begins to take seed and fear starts to knock.
my fortress is being besieged
by forces i cannot control
by forces i cannot fathom
loneliness, anxiety, sadness, doubt, fear
enemies i have no known protection for.

am i invincible?
i hope to the heavens i am
whatever made me think i am, i need those now.
but before i regain my strength
i need to repair my fortress
fill in the cracks, stabilize my foundation,
refill my ammunitions.
i need to find my center, my passion,
my inspiration, my purpose.
and for these, i need more than just time ...
i need myself to be whole.

am i invincible?
i hope to God i am
with every fiber of my being
i hope and pray that i can overcome this siege
i need to outrun it and outlive it
for me to regain my strength.