Friday, March 19, 2010

riding an emotional roller coaster



its the time of the year again when i feel like i'm in an emotional roller coaster. every feeling is heightened, i feel like i am absorbing the emotions of people around me. at the end of the day, i feel totally drained. well, one upside is that i tend to lose my appetite if am in one of these moods, therefore decreasing my need to go to the gym haha! (justifying =P).

i am sad, melancholic, angry, confused and numb all at the same time. happy? i get my share of laughs every once in a while, but after that, the gloomy and pensive mood sets in again. I really don't know why i feel like this, maybe i am just hormonal =P. still, maybe there are stuff i need to face, issues i need to resolve, situations i need to accept and consequences i need to take responsibility for. i guess i just need time to sort things out and eventually (hopefully) get a grasp on the reality i need to face and live with.

unanswered questions may need to be answered or not ... depending on whether i really do want to know the answers. a friend said that ignorance is bliss and that there are just some things thats better left alone. trying to dig up the reasons behind past actions and the whys behind the whats is two-faced: you either end up feeling better knowing the truth or you end up feeling more miserable. in the end, i guess a few things do matter: how i accept what i learned and what i do about it. someone once told me, its okay to have what if's but it would be better to have more what nows. i guess it kinda means that its okay to have regrets (who doesn't?) but it would be better not to dwell on them. it would be best to work on what we have now since we really cannot do anything about actions already committed in the past.


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

holding on to pain


How can you hold on to something that is not yours?
How can you even let yourself hope
That by some weird circumstance
The world will flip over and the heavens will
Smile in your favor.

Reining in feelings hasn’t always been
Your strongest point, but
Accepting hurt and suffering in silence is
You’d rather take the pain than let others
Know you are being torn apart

Praying, wishing and hoping that one day
The powers that be will look at you and say
You deserve to be happy with someone
Who will be your inspiration, your strength
And your reason to smile

Until that day comes, keep your heart in check
Keep your feelings behind locked gates
Especially if the fates throw you in an arena
Where your heart is doomed to suffer
no matter what the outcome is.

Let go no matter how much it hurts
Even if holding on makes you happy
Even if holding on makes you feel complete
For holding on to something that should not be yours
Can only ultimately lead to one thing: pain.