based on my experience, there are different types of friendship: there are the high maintenance ones, the kind that can leave you stressed out, yung tipong you constantly need to keep up with whatever they think is right or wrong, to constantly keep track and tabs on each other, sometimes, leaving you with the feeling that there are certain requirements to fulfill; on the other hand, meron ding low maintenance, yung tipong kahit ilang araw o buwan o taon pa man kayo hindi magkita eh, pag nagkita kayo ulet the connection is still there, like there was never a physical separation or a break in communication. both have their pros and cons and sometimes the types overlap and i am not saying that either one is good or bad, depende sa tao yan: sa ugali nila and how they view friendship. and yet for me, meron pang isang type and i guess it is the best one: the type na parang pang-kindergarten, yung parang no holds barred, yung tipong you accept the person no matter who, what, when, where, how, or why. the type of friendship that sees, hears and feels and knows (as in really knows who you really are, inside and out), the type sensitive and considerate enough to sense the others' feelings, yung tipong paminsan, iniisip mo pa lang o kaya tingin mo pa lang eh alam na nila ang iniisip mo o di kaya alam na nila na may something, no words required. the type that is nurtured, the type that is characterized by full acceptance. yung tipong kaya mong sabihing galit ka sa kanya o naiinis ka or di kaya yung pwede mong laitin o pagsabihan, kahit pagalitan pa, without fear of being judged, kahit na mag-away pa kayo - mahinahon man o hindi, in the end magkakaintindihan pa din kayo kahit gaano ka-babaw o ka-far fetched ang dahilan ng pinagtampuhan or pinag-awayan. yung kahit na di kayo mag-usap o magkita o magkalayo kayo you know na the bond is there. in short, the strong bond of friendship formed will still hold true despite differences (be it siginificant, yung tipong super magkaiba kayo ng ugali or yung tipong petty na magkaiba kayo ng peborit color) and will manage to keep the relationship intact and formidable.
i recently had a wake-up call regarding this. i heard from someone that you should never expect things even from your close friends because that can only lead to heartache. parang in the end, masasaktan ka lang. may tama naman yun, and tama sya ulet kasi i learned it the hard way. BUT, the wake up call was that maybe i was really expecting too much from people who do not really regard me in any way as significant. how did i arrive at this conclusion? a lot of things na din siguro, but the last trigger was the fact that they weren't even aware of why i was recently hurt in the first place, and that spoke volumes. now, sadly, i am starting to let go. don't get me wrong, i am not cutting ties, i am just loosening my grip on the cords that i have held on to so tightly for years. i should learn to accept that maybe the things i did or did not do in the past (admittedly, i do have shortcomings and faults) somehow lead to this, and that i should learn to fully accept where my place really lies.
this is the point where i am thanking the Man Upstairs for hard-core friends. the type i described earlier. the siblings i never had but was given to me nonetheless. the people who held on and still continue to hold on to a friendship that started way, way back =). again, i admit, i am not without fault, nor am i in any way perfect, both as a person and as a friend, but despite all these, i am blessed enough to have found people who, given my imperfections, still chose to accept, understand and share their time and friendship =). i also learned that though years do add to the depth of friendship, it doesn't necessarily follow that the worth is the same. and again, i have been blessed to have found good friends recently =). for you guys, thank you so very much. thank you for everything you have given me and for making me feel loved and supported (drama! pero pagbigyan nyo na ko haha!). alam nyo na kung sino kayo. salamat, salamat ng marami.
Corny as it may seem, but i have a song that kinda describes how i feel right now. para po sa inyo =)
I’m not the easiest person to love
I’m often the one who lets things go unresolved
Yet you choose to beon the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to beon the side of me
on the side of me
I’m not too proud of some things
I’ve done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide
Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me
‘Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outsideand there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you
I’m not the easiest person to love
But you, you’ve opened your heart to show me what I’m worth
‘Cause you choose to beon the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You’re on the side of me
on the side of me
‘Cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it’s cold outsideand there’s no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you
Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
