how well do you know me? (penned under temporary emotional insanity)

how well do you know me?
you claim you know me well enough.
too well in fact, that,
you can interpret everything
and anything i say, feel or do.


i ask you again
how well do you know me?
do you know how i feel
when you say that you can read me like a book?
does it ever occur to you that you may be wrong?
and that there are sides of me
that you haven't seen yet?


has it ever occurred to you
that i might have changed?
have you ever thought that
by saying that you know me
it is quite the opposite ?


you say you know me well enough.
do you know that i am hurting
when you judge me and assume
that you know exactly what i mean
but in fact, you don't?


do you know how i feel?
when i try to explain my side
and you brush me off and say
"that is not what you meant,
this is the truth behind your words,
i know you too well,
that is not what you meant".


you claim you know me well
and i am hoping that you do
but there are times that you don't
please don't put me in a box
give me space to move.


I am not asking you to change,
but believe me when i say
that i love you well enough.
and that my motives for not talking
have always been in consideration
of how you would feel or react.


I am not asking for anything
God knows i am not
especially not another lecture
on how things should be,
will be and what should not.


I am merely stating my feelings
the only way i know how
i am only letting out steam
for feelings that want to come out


after all, you have always encouraged me
to say my piece in confidence
because no matter what happens
you will hear me out


so where does this all lead to?
i really don't know.
maybe i should ask this again,
one more time ...
how well do you really know me?
now, tell me,
what will your answer be?

Random Wandering Thoughts

have you ever wondered why things just pop into your head and you start to grab that thought and spend time mulling about it but in the end you realize that whatever it is that you're thinking about is meaningless?


why is it that people always ask you the question that you don't want to answer?


i'm not really sure if people are really insensitive or just plain dense when they throw comments like: " why are you still single?", "you look fat!", or "you look younger the last time i saw you".


most of the time, why do we end up doing the things we really don't want to do?


why is it that children find the most amazing and wonderful stuff in the simplest things? maybe we should look at the world through the eyes of a child to appreciate what we have and find wonder in the things we see everyday.


why is feeling sad termed as feeling blue? doesn't feeling blue, or looking blue for that matter, signal oxygen deficiency or sickness?


if one is happy are you feeling red? or pink?


headaches are like unexpected visitors. they are surprises that require medication.


stock knowledge works 2 ways. it can be in stock, in which case, the brain does not need to search or think further for an answer. it can also be out of stock, in which case, searching for an answer can only lead to a migraine.


why are planning sessions referred to as brainstorming sessions? hhhmmmm... go figure...

On Public Transportation

Sosyal ng title ko ... ingles iyan pero feel ko mag-tagalog.


Araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, sumasakay ako sa pampublikong transportasyon. Jeep, FX, tricycle, paminsan bus na din. Kung may pera, taxi, kung nasa EDSA o Aurora Blvd ang daan ko, MRT at LRT. Kulang na lang eh sumakay na din ako ng kalesa, kariton, bisikleta para kumpleto ang aking public transportation experience.


Pero, in fairness, nakasakay na ako ng kalesa nung bata pa ako, nung may bahay pa kami sa Quiapo. Ngayon kasi, nasa bulubundukin na ako ng Cainta, at wala kaming kalesa doon at baka kasi matigok ang kawawang kabayo kapag sa highway siya dumaan at makipagsabayan sa mga humaharurot na jeep at truck.  Pero come to think of it, para kang nasa Sta Ana racetrack araw-araw kung puro kalesa at kabayo ang sasakyan sa highway! exciting di ba?! andami na sigurong hinete sa Pilipinas kung ganon.


Ang jeep ang pinakasikat na mode of transportation nating mga pinoy. kahit saan may jeep. sa siyudad, sa probinsya, sa bundok na ang daan ay parang isaw sa dami ng liku-liko. Kaya ding tumawid ng mga jeep sa baha at sa mga mababaw na ilog na mabato-bato pa. kahit paakyat o pababa ang daan, kaya ng jeep yan! no wonder ang jeep ang tinatawag na king of the road. imaginin mo, kaya nyang gawin ang lahat ng yan!

Ang jeep din ang pinaka-makulay na sasakyan sa daan. Sa jeep mo makikita ang iba-ibang klase ng dekorasyon, both inside and outside. Sa loob ng jeep, may altar o kaya electric fan. Ang pangalan ng buong angkan ng may-ari ay nakasulat sa bubong. Paminsan, sa haba ng jeep, pati ninuno yata at apo sa tuhod, ay nakasulat na din. May disco lights na sumasabay sa indayog ng pagkalakas-lakas na tugtugin na galing sa stereo na nakalagay sa kahon. Sa mga patok na jeep, ang music ay yung sobrang lakas, na kulang na lang eh, mamasahe ang likod mo sa lakas ng vibrations chuva. Pwede ka ding mabingi, pero kung dead to the world ang iyong hearing o sanay ka sa pagkataas-taas na decibel eh okay lang eto. In fairness muli, kahit saan may jeep. Kaya kung naliligaw ka, ang jeep ang solusyon.

Sa FX naman, malamig (yun eh kung malamig ang buga ng aircon) at komportable ang upo (kung ang katabi mo hindi pang-dalawa o pang 1 and a half ang upo). Ngayon, andami na ding FX. Parang kabuteng nagsulputan ang mga ito mula nang naging in ang FX as public transport. Marami nang pila ang mga shuttle services na ito na kadalasanang tinatangkilik ng mga nag-oopisina sa makati at ortigas.


Last and not the least sa listahan ng sinasakyan ko araw-araw ay ang tricycle. The ever famous tricycle. kahit saang sulok din ng Pilipinas e may tricycle. Iba-iba nga lang ang anyo nya. Parang jeep na din ang mga ito kasi kaya na din nyang dumaan at makipagsabayan sa highway (kumapit ka nga lang at ipagdasal na wag truck ang maksabay nyo), umakyat-baba sa paikot-ikot na daan at sumulong sa baha. ang mga tricycle din ang madalas na sasakyan sa loob ng mga subdivision at mga residential areas. Marami ding mga pila ng tricycle na malapit sa mga eskwelahan, palengke, at paminsan sa mga mall (aba sosyal!). nasa gilid nga lang. hehehe =)


At dito natatapos ang aking artikulo ukol sa mga pampublikong transportasyon, na sabi ko nga e, sa araw-araw ng buhay ko eh, sinasakyan ko. Bakit ko nga ba naisip isulat ito? wala lang. I just felt na since part na sya ng buhay ko eh, why not di ba? (mag-explain ba)....

Of Cramming and Hysteria

The main purpose of an examination is to evaluate how much a student learned in a given subject. To be able to do this, professors formulate and devise questions to challenge the brain. During exams, the main purpose of student evaluation is satisfied, inclusive of the brain challenge part plus more. Because even the most dormant parts of the mind are set to work to comprehend and come up with the most probable logical answer. In short, during exams (especially during finals), all systems are in full battle gear, brain cells are on full alert, all senses are up and about and emotions are high (for some, if not most, emotions are going haywire) . Ranking high above the emotional ladder is nervousness (in most cases, near hysteria), especially if the studying done was insufficient.

In most cases, we all suffer from the common virus called cramming. All of us, in one way or another, have been through this or is still going through this (like me, at this very moment... haha). Let me see, what exactly describe what i am feeling right now? hhhmmmm... i am in panic mode ... nervous (borderline hysteria if i don't finish at least half of my required readings tonight) and still thinking about going to the mall to balance out all of these hair-raising notions of not being able to finish what i need to read and end up flunking. of course, going to the mall is not the most promising solution, but still, it seems to be the most relaxing thing to do at this point.

I know my professors expect a lot from us, and in turn, we should at least do well in the finals. well, doing good in the exams will mean more to us, since we need to maintain an average of 2.0 every year to stay in our program. but, it will also mean a lot to them. By passing, it will mean that they did a good job (and i swear, they did ... this cramming thing is more on time management on my part). Honestly, my professors are great and very considerate and that adds more to the pressure (nyaaaaaaaa....).

Time management. That is one skill i need to master. Not only to beat the hysterics and all the hullabaloo that comes with taking exams but also to be able to grasp and understand every facet of what i'm reviewing. Most times, i kinda forget what i reviewed after exams (don't we all go through that?) and end up reading everything again ... sad but true...

blah...blah...blah.... incoherent thoughts from a hysterical brain take over my fingers. signing off and hitting the books is the best option. and in most cases, the best solution is not always the option one wants to do, but what one needs to do.

If you have not experienced any of these ... good for you ... i have a few questions though, how did you do it? are you normal? do you have super supplements? were these supplements advertised? if it were, then we somehow missed it during those nights that we spent watching TV rather than studying ... sigh.....

seriously, if you haven't for the life of you felt any of these, my hats off to you. you are one super mortal.

blah ... blah .. blah... i seriously need to stop blabbing and start reading ...sigh ... nothing left to do but study ... may we all pass ...

prends

Sa panahong ito mahirap nang makakita ng mga taong makakaintindi sa ugali mo,

Yung makakasabay sa kalokohan at kaweirduhan mo. 

Yung tipong pwede kang batukan kung nararapat at pupurihin ka kung ang nagawa mo'y kapalapalakpak.

Yung pwede mong tawagan para may makausap ng tungkol sa wala at kung kelangan mo nang kausap tungkol sa problema.

Yung pwede kang maging tanga at magkamali nang hindi ka hinuhusgahan, sa halip ay tutulungan ka pang tamain ang nagawa.

Yung tipong kahit na milya-milya ang layo ng kinarooroonan, dagat man o lupa ang pagitan,

Hindi napuputol ang usapan, lalung-lalo na ang bigkis ng pagkakaibigan.

Kaya naman napakasuwerte ko kasi sa kinalaki-laki ng mundo, may natagpuan akong mga taong ganito. 

Laking pasasalamat ko sa Maykapal sapagkat ako'y biniyayaan ng mga kaibigan, na kahit ano pang mangyari alam kong nandyan lamang lagi sa aking tabi.

Umulan man o bumagyo, tsunami, red tide, martial law;

jeepney strike, EDSA revolt at coup d'etat ... at kahit dumating ang kung ano pa,Basta ako nakangiti pa rin, hindi dahil ako'y sadyang weirdo o manhid. Pero kasi alam kong may mga kaibigang naghihintay sa akin. Para magpayo, makipagkwentuhan, makinig, dumamay at yumakap. O di kaya'y para makipag-inuman ng kape o tequila at kumain ng puto at alimango hanggang mamaga.

Pero higit sa lahat, ang pinakamagandang hatid ng mga taong aking binabanggit, ay ang pagbibigay ng lakas at saya, para harapin ang bukas na may dalang pagmamahal, pasasalamat at pag-asa na ang lahat ng bagay ay sadyang maganda.